Simply Complicated

Who doesn’t wish their life was simple? Ever since I was little, I’ve been a simple person. Luckily, for my parents, I didn’t ask for much growing up. Well, at least before I became a teenager hungry for freedom.

I’m the youngest of three with twobrothers. As you can imagine, I was one of the guys growing up, which convinced my mom to dress me up like a boy. I was ok with wearing hand-me-downs, and if she did buy me something new, it was  mostly T-shirts and Jordans. Back then, I simply worried about playing and not what I looked like. Not to brag, but I was the most athletic girl in my class.

When I reached 5th grade, my life became a bit more complicated when I joined my first basketball team. I had to learn how to balance my schoolwork, my basketball schedule, my friends, and my questions on how my body was changing.

Then, boys slowly came into the picture as I spent most of my time at the gym. (You know how complicated things get when it comes to the opposite sex!)

I worried more about how I looked, but then I didn’t care at the same time. My feelings about boys weren’t as complicated at the time. I liked boys, but I didn’t care if they liked me back or not. I knew I didn’t want a boyfriend. They were just appealing to look at, and in a way, I wanted to be appealing to look at too.

However, I didn’t want to change who I was just so a boy would like me. The thought of making a boy like me for someone I’m not was too complicated to fathom. It wasn’t worth it to me. A boy should like you for who you are, and if they don’t you probably won’t like him either.

Until I got to high school. For most people, this is when all the complications start. You’re exposed to more things, and your parents begin to give you a little more independence. Well, with my parents, very little independence, which made things more complicated for me when I wanted to go to parties or hang out with friends. Don’t even mention having a boyfriend.

My schedule got crazier when my best friend convinced me to join Step Squad. When a competition was coming up, we would have practice after school until 8:00 p.m. Imagine juggling that schedule and your schoolwork.

A want for a simple life was instilled in me, but at that time, my life still felt simple as crazy as it got. I call it, simply complicated. I would have to say that, that is one of my strengths.

No matter how complicated something gets, I try to make the best out of it. Giving up is not my forte. When I start something, it needs to be completed in the best possible and effective way. There’s an answer to everything, and it’s up to you to figure it out. You can handle any situation in a simple way, but our brains over-complicate things.

Believe it or not, everyone has a profound way of thinking. It may not be along the same LINES as another person, but that’s what makes it complicated.

The challenges grew when I got to college. Dorming was a huge taste of independence. I had to learn how to budget my money, which meant saving the allowance my parents gave me (to buy Jordans).

Throughout all my years in college, I was in the dance club. I became one of the choreographers and later became one of the officers.

You would think my life became complicated as I got more involved in the dance club, but you thought wrong. I held it together with a daily planner. I color-coded everything, from exams to extra dance practices. (This comes in handy in being a teacher because there’s a million things to remember.)

The one thing that’s hard to color is love. Love is complicated because every love is different. It ‘s simple to feel it and say it, but it’s complicated to understand and explain it.

It’s like reading a book. It’s simple to read but complicated to understand what the real message is.

That’s where my boyfriend of 7 years comes in. He sure did complicate things by the way he made me feel! I was a junior, and he was a freshman trying out for the dance club. And boyyyy, did he win me over with his dance moves!

On the surface, it was that simple. I liked the way he danced, the way he made me feel when he came into the room, the way he made me laugh, and the way he made me nervous when we would talk.

When we first started dating, our motto was, “Let shit ride.” It was as simple as that, but when our feelings and passion for one another grew deeper we let it get the best of us. We both would get jealous easily, and we couldn’t let go of what happened in the past.

People would say we weren’t right for each other, even people who I thought were my friends.

Inside, we were slowly drifting apart, and since he was only a freshman, he wanted to enjoy his college life. I understood because you’re only in college once, and I already got to experience that. (Hold back your tears, you already know how this story ends.)

Despite all this, we stayed “friends.” We couldn’t stay away from one another and fight our feelings.

Every couple goes through obstacles. You need them in order to grow as a couple and as individuals. It was hard to get to where we were today, but we needed that time apart to grow and better ourselves as individuals before we could better each other.

I’m not saying our relationship now has no problems. What relationship doesn’t?

We’re both in different stages in our lives. I’m established in a good school as a Kindergarten teacher, and he’s working on launching his career, which is going extremely well.

I couldn’t be more proud!

My job is stable and his depends on what other people think. When I’m waking up to go to work, he’s just going to bed. I try to stay up to hang out with him for at least an hour before I go to bed, but most of the time he’s not available til late.

Our life together started to become a routine. It was simple to live like that, but deep down it was complicated because we missed each other.

He was busy with work because he’s trying to create a future for the both of us. Starting a clothing line and a network of artists is not easy.

My job is always complicated because of my students. I could explain something in the simplest terms, but some of them, would still find it hard.

A day at work is an emotional roller coaster. You never know what kind of day it will be with 25 5-year olds.

You have some students you’re nice to because they’re respectful and good listeners. Then, you have the challenging ones who push your buttons. I swear I’m bi-polar sometimes because of this.

Is this how we wanted our life in the future to be?

Our simple routine turned into boredom, but it took us a long time to realize it because of how busy we were.

We missed each other dearly, spending quality time of silliness, laughter, and love. I hate confrontations, and I didn’t see any reason to have one because of how busy and stressed I knew he was. I didn’t want to upset him and make things more complicated.

It was simple to avoid telling him about my longing feelings for him,but it only complicated things between us. It came to a point where we didn’t feel like we were in a relationship any more, and when we did fight, it was instense because of all the feelings we bottled up with the lack of time we had with each other.

As a result,

He missed me too!

I learned to tell him about my feelings even if it may affect the relationship.  Confrontations should strengthen the relationship not weaken it.

It’s as simple as that.

Will living a simple life prevent you from growing?

Living a simple life can help you progress. There’s no such thing as a perfect life. Just like there’s no perfect person or relationship.

Take obstacles as life lessons. Find a way over it, not around it because you’re only cheating yourself.

Live a simple  life of complicated adventures!

‘Til next week world,

Miss You

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One thought on “Simply Complicated

  1. This is all too familiar, I love your attitude and optimism, its what makes you such a lovable and fabulous teacher! Keep sharing, it helps to know that your not alone in this crazy life of complicated adventures! I have to think about it as simple instead of being overwhelmed with complicated~!

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